So what is true for me right now?
I was listening to a podcast this morning. Martha Beck was talking about life being “The Adventure Itself”. An Odyssey. She was saying that when it comes down to it, this is what it’s all about, these liminal times. This meanwhile.
In the end there is always a Coming Home (and in a very real way, we never leave Home), and yet somehow I bought a ticket on this wild expedition to explore and to soak up all the experiences. So, in the spaces between beginnings and endings, between desires and fruition, I might as well learn to appreciate rather than to wait, anticipate and fret. The lesson, the practice, now is to pay attention. What is unfolding right under my feet? What is whispering to me, calling me?
Imagine I could live true to my deepest intuitive knowing that all is well.
I heard the words during the podcast: “Kindness is the essential component of the Universe.” and “Deep Stillness is the Mother.” I’m all right. Roiling storms may be occurring on the surface. Things may sometimes seem iffy, uncertain, precarious. The state of the world may appear in upheaval. Even so, I am connected to Stillness. I am not being tossed about in the storm, Somehow, I’m watching it. Somehow the storm is within me.
Suddenly the questions about where the river will take me, whether I will soar or fall, whether I will ever quite “fit myself into the world” begin to melt away. They become meaningless. Nonsensical. Even insane. Fitting into the world is a sort of cheap consolation prize I realize I don’t even want. It’s a lie, a hamster wheel of effort that never ends and never satisfies. Something whispers, “What you really want is Surrender, my love. What your heart is demanding now is freedom.”
And it continues: “Life is magic, but that magic doesn’t come from your fear, from your reptilian worrywart brain that fusses and predicts and projects and plans. Let the scared little lizard know it’s allowed to rest. Love it into relaxation You are its master, not its slave. It couldn’t be there fidgeting the way it does, running to and fro, hiding under rocks, unless you, the real you, the steady Consciousness that watches all the shenanigans unperturbed and unharmed, were here first. This is all you have wanted for years, my sweetheart. Isn’t it about time you gave it to yourself?”